New Wave of Nerd

An explanation about why I haven’t been updating:

See you all very soon!

HAPPY PRIDE, YA BIG QUEERMO!
I hope this week is so gay that on Saturday at the end of the parade we stumble upon a group of unicorns vomiting rainbows.

It is Pride week! I am lucky enough to have been interviewed for the StarPhoenix again this year. Hopefully this time my face isn’t placed underneath a picture of a bird drowning in oil. I’m thinking this article will bring in some new viewers, so I figured I would created a ‘Coles Notes’ post of my blog. I think it has been around long enough to have a greatest hit album.. don’t think I am retiring though. I am going to be like Cher and have 5 retiring tours.

I started this blog years ago to document my life and the changes I was going through. I had found blogs and videos on the internet from trans people that really helped me figure things our, so I wanted to return the favour.

I guess I’ll summarize myself just so you have a feel of who I am. I’ll give some of those interview answers where you spin bad things about yourself into a good thing. For example, I work really hard and have high expectations. This really means, I am a perfectionist.
Okay, but for real -- I am a 21 year old FTM transgendered person. I identify as Trans, outside the gender binary of guy or girl. I am going into my 3rd year of university where I am doing an honours degree in Sociology as my pre-law program. I plan on going into human rights law with a focus on Queer issues. I started my transition when I was 18, began taking testosterone when I was 20 and here I am.

This is a summary of all the videos I made during my first year of hormones. I even included some cute baby pics. I wish I still had that troll sweater.

First up we have my ‘ Reasons to Date a Trans Person’. Informative, and humorous .

I am really happy that I was asked to be interviewed again. As you see in the blog a lot has changed in the year since my first article, and I was excited to have a chance to update where I am now in my life.

Please, scroll down. Read more of the blog!

P.S. For those of you who follow the blog, I am going to Winnipeg next weekend! You know what that means! This year the party theme is biker. I finally just got the glitter out of my hair from last year’s David Bowie party, and now I am going to do it all over again! So excited!

How to Make Love to a Trans Person -- Gabe Moses

Forget the images you’ve learned to attach
To words like cock and clit,
Chest and breasts.
Break those words open
Like a paramedic cracking ribs
To pump blood through a failing heart.
Push your hands inside.
Get them messy.
Scratch new definitions on the bones.

Get rid of the old words altogether.
Make up new words.
Call it a click or a ditto.
Call it the sound he makes
When you brush your hand against it through his jeans,
When you can hear his heart knocking on the back of his teeth
And every cell in his body is breathing.
Make the arch of her back a language
Name the hollows of each of her vertebrae
When they catch pools of sweat
Like rainwater in a row of paper cups
Align your teeth with this alphabet of her spine
So every word is weighted with the salt of her.

When you peel layers of clothing from his skin
Do not act as though you are changing dressings on a trauma patient
Even though it’s highly likely that you are.
Do not ask if she’s “had the surgery.”
Do not tell him that the needlepoint bruises on his thighs look like they hurt
If you are being offered a body
That has already been laid upon an altar of surgical steel
A sacrifice to whatever gods govern bodies
That come with some assembly required
Whatever you do,
Do not say that the carefully sculpted landscape
Bordered by rocky ridges of scar tissue
Looks almost natural.

If she offers you breastbone
Aching to carve soft fruit from its branches
Though there may be more tissue in the lining of her bra
Than the flesh that rises to meet it, Let her ripen in your hands.
Imagine if she’d lost those swells to cancer,
Diabetes,
A car accident instead of an accident of genetics
Would you think of her as less a woman then?
Then think of her as no less one now.

If he offers you a thumb-sized sprout of muscle
Reaching toward you when you kiss him
Like it wants to go deep enough inside you
To scratch his name on the bottom of your heart
Hold it as if it can-
In your hand, in your mouth
Inside the nest of your pelvic bones.
Though his skin may hardly do more than brush yours,
You will feel him deeper than you think.

Realize that bodies are only a fraction of who we are
They’re just oddly-shaped vessels for hearts
And honestly, they can barely contain us
We strain at their seams with every breath we take
We are all pulse and sweat,
Tissue and nerve ending
We are programmed to grope and fumble until we get it right.
Bodies have been learning each other forever.
It’s what bodies do.
They are grab bags of parts
And half the fun is figuring out
All the different ways we can fit them together;
All the different uses for hipbones and hands,
Tongues and teeth;
All the ways to car-crash our bodies beautiful.
But we could never forget how to use our hearts
Even if we tried.
That’s the important part.
Don’t worry about the bodies.
They’ve got this.

Gabe Moses is “a poet, author, performance artist, dogwalker, and accomplished floor-sock-glider who does most of his best writing in the bathtub. You can find his work in lots of cool places, but that kid singing James Brown on YouTube is not him.”

1 Year anniversary video!

A collections of video clips from the last year to summarize my transition to date. Includes embarrassing childhood pictures too!

If you’ve never watched one of my videos before, this is the one to watch! Watch me change from Pre-Testosterone to 1 year on Testosterone in minutes.

Thank you so much for reading my blog.

Cheers to the next year of adventures with NewWaveNerd!

- Love,

Avery Eros Finley

I have hit my first wall in my transition. It looks as though I won’t be allowed to change my gender markers from female to male on my IDs. This makes traveling outside the country a safety issue for me. It also makes already awkward ID checks at the liquor store even more awkward.

Picture this:
Setting -- 3pm on a Thursday afternoon, almost empty liquor board store.
Avery wanders the isles with a lazy saunter that exclaims having nothing but free time. Dressed in a cardigan, buttons done up, and a pair of slacks. I look well kept, even fashionable. But what no one can see are the long johns, saggy wool socks and baggy flannel shirt hidden under the appropriate casual day clothes I put on as a mask.
First, I wander over to the red wine section. It is classy, acceptable even to buy a bottle of wine on a weekday afternoon. It could easily be for a dinner party tonight.
Then over to the cider section, skip over the 2L plastic bottles of cider. Psh, please -- I have some class and digni- “OH! Sale on king size cans! I wonder if they have coupons…”
Final stop, over to my main man. The man who steers me through the tough times, who is never without a guiding hand -- Captain Morgan. I missed you. You feel so right in my hands. I miss your warmth. I can’t resist anymore, take me home!
Check-out counter --
Clerk -- “Wow, you must be having a party!”
Avery -- *Tucking the collar of his plaid shirt back under the cardigan.*
“Hmm? Oh, yeah… party.  Of course, you know, the usual just a few good friends getting together for a good time.”
That wasn’t a lie. I am going to watch Superman. Lois Lane and Clark Kent are friends.. that counts as a party. Right?
Clerk -- “I hope you remember the Egg Nog for all that rum! It is that time of year.”
Egg Nog? Barf. Why would I go and ruin perfectly good rum by adding that crap to it? If that makes me the fucking Grinch then point me in the direction of a little village to pillage.
Avery -- “You bet. Egg Nog. Yum, Yum.” *Small fist pump*
Clerk -- *Looking skeptical, glancing from pile of alcohol to the corner of my flannel shirt and long johns sticking out*
“Can I see some ID sir?”
Mayday! Mayday!
Avery -- “Absolutely.” *Pulls out ID and hands it over*
Clerk -- “That is a unique name. Eros? Hmm. Do you have another piece of ID?”
Ah shit, about to get even more awkward. Why do I look like a 15 year old boy?! I shouldn’t have shaved my neck beard it adds at least 2 years to my age.
*Hands over health card that contains a clear F underneath the name*
Clerk -- “Eros, again. Okay thanks, Mr. Ziege-”
*sees the F, falters in speech, jerks head up, mouth gaping*
“I mean, Ms. Zieger… Or.. Mister.. I -- uh -- Your total is…”
End Scene

Okay, maybe that won’t ever happen. Not the part about me wandering a liquor store on a weekday afternoon, that could happen. I am one failed final away from that being my life. The clerk asking for a second piece of ID is pretty far fetched. I may look 15 and have a weird name, but it hasn’t caused me to be asked for a second piece of ID yet. So yes, I am letting my imagination run away with me but it could happen.

Anyways, here is the video.

Sorry about the gap between when I recorded this video and when I am posting it. I am kinda like that crappy watch you wear everyday even though it only works half the time. Maybe out of habit or because it is cute you keep it around. You have grown to be very fond of it. It makes you happier than it should when it does the job it is supposed to do, but even when it doesn’t you can’t be too mad at it.
Yup, that is me. An unreliable watch that is too cute to throw away.

My 1 year anniversary on T is coming up very quickly and I really want to put together a special video for you guys. I hope I can get it together in time. I’ll try my best. If I can’t get that special video together in time I will put up a regular video no matter what.

Thank you guys so much for checking in.

- Avery Eros Finley

Hey Champ!

Can you guess where I am? If you guessed in the library you are correct. The school year has started which means I forever have my nose in a book. This update is a ‘Thank you’ to the lovely people that contributed to taking away my social life and riding me of the burden of a full night sleep.

I was awarded the Regal Social Regina Bursary, which is a monetary bursary toward my university education. It was given to me by the Imperial and Sovereign Court of the Governing Body – Golden Wheat Sheaf Empire. That can be confusing, basically the Drag Queens of Saskatchewan helped a poor tranny out haha.
Drag Queens and their long titles and names, who does that? I mean is it really necessary to have two middle names…oh, wait.. Carry on, Sisters. Carry on!

I made the video a couple weeks ago, but I am just getting it up now. I am trying to organize my life before I actually take my nose out of a book and have fun.
It is my birthday this weekend, and I am going to Winnipeg to celebrate! It also happens to coincide with lesbian night at their gay bar. This is a combination that pretty much guarantees ridiculous adventures. And I am hoping some birthday kisses.
I am staying with Pocket for the couple nights I am there. There may or may not be some major spooning under her Toy Story blanket. I think kittens are born from that extreme level of cuteness.
I am not going to get too crazy though, I actually have Saturday afternoon booked off to study. I know, who studies on their birthday weekend while in a city full of babes? This kid.

Stay tuned for the details of my birthday adventures! If the saying about how you spend your birthday is how you are going to spend the rest of the year is true, then my year is going to be one hell of a sweaty, sexy lesbian packed dance party. Here’s to hoping it is true!

As promised here is one of the two videos I talked about! This video is about the physical changes from 6 months -- 9 months. Also, I flash my new trans related tattoo.

Thanks for watching! Please keep scrolling down to read the written entry I just put up with this video. Summer is coming to a close, but I am making the most of it till the very end. I went to see Lady GAGA in concert! Read more below!

- Peace,

Avery Eros Finley

Hey Lovely,

I hope your beautiful soul is doing well today. I am back with a T video update, and I really think you will enjoy it. In the video I list the top reasons to date an FTM. It is packed full of wit, charm, and crudeness -- Oh, and of course, a Lady Gaga reference.

Sorry about the quality I had to use the camera on my phone because I don’t have a camera anymore.

P.S. I  enjoy long walks along the river, poetry, and holding hands. Aww <3

Your Dreamboat,

Avery

Check out the FRONT PAGE of your newspaper for my cute face! My interview is in today’s StarPhoenix!

If you aren’t from Saskatchewan or you can’t pick up a copy have no fear the internet is here! Here is a link to the article!
StarPhoniex Interview!

Success For The Win, AKA Jeanette Stewart, did a phenomenal job on the article. On its own the fact that she got a positive article about local Trans guys on the FRONT PAGE of the newspaper is huge. But that combined with how much effort and research she put into the article is mind blowing. Not only did she interview me, but also my bro Eric Twa and a great person named Julie Richards. Success For The Win deserves major props! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! If you see her out buy her a drink, or thank her!

I knew the article was coming out today, but I had no idea it was going to be FRONT PAGE! I was thinking it would be tucked away in the Lifestyles section. Wow! Good Morning! Haha

A lot of people in Saskatchewan have never knowingly met a Trans person. I bet most of them had never given two thoughts about our presence in the city. This article is a really great way to introduce ourselves and our lives to the city of Saskatoon.
If you are visiting my blog for the first time because of the StarPhoenix interview I made a video to further introduce myself, and catch you up on what you have missed so far in my transition.  Take a look!

How much fun was that! Right, so much fun! Really though, this blog is my safe place. It is where I vent, ramble and share experiences of my life. I also subject you to hippy/nerd/queer/cute ramblings. As you noticed in the video I can get off topic and ramble about acceptance speeches or Lady Gaga. Welcome to NewWaveNerd!

I hope this article was a source of hope to someone who was feeling alone and lost the way I did before I found other Trans guys videos. Or maybe a parent, sibling, or friend of someone who is transitioning found this blog and it helped them better understand that person. I definitely trust that there will be a few more kind smiles and understanding people out on the prairies of Saskatchewan because of this article. Thank you again, Success For The Win.

Please, look around the blog. Look back at past videos to learn more about me and my transition.
Check back here in a few days I am going to be updating the blog a ton this week. I already have a typed update about my personal life and Pride Week written and ready to go, so that should be posted in the next day or so. Then later this week the 6 month testosterone anniversary video will be up.

Thank you for checking out my blog!

- Love and Peace

Your Dreamboat,
Avery Eros Finley

Hello Beautiful People! 
 
I have 3 days off work! 3 whole days! AH! I plan on using this time to ease myself into party mode for the up incoming Saskatoon Pride Week. Don’t be mistaken, Pride Week isn’t something you can just jump into willy nilly. No, you must train hard in the arts of drinking and late night debauchery to persevere to the very end of Pride week.
*Cue Rocky Music. Cut to scene of Avery leading a parade of glittery, chiseled men who are wearing 50 dollar underwear and feather boas up a set of stairs* 
 
I would like to address a comment that was sent to about last week’s video. The comment was not about an area someone wanted me to talk more about, it was not about any physical or social changes I have experience. In fact, it had nothing to do with my transition whatsoever. 
This was the comment: “you are fat phobic and it’s offensive. i hope you never become a lawyer under the guise of being a human rights advocate. shame on you!!!” 
Hmm… really? Really? Me, a “fat phobic”. That makes so much sense, because it wouldn’t be hypocritical of me at all to discriminate against people who do not live up to the unattainable and idealized bodies that society prescribes to us. Really. As someone who has never, and never will, meet the expectations of what a ‘beautiful’ body is I would never turn around and treat someone the way I have been treated. I am sorry if it came across that way in the video.  
The reason I get a bit snippy with this comment is because of the second half of it. You guys are open to criticize or comment on my videos, but do not attack me. I want to become a human rights lawyer because I want to make a positive difference for the people I care about. This person apparently thinks this is a “guise”, I am assuming that means they think I want to be a lawyer for the money… again, with the really? Do you know how much 7-8 years of school is going to cost? Lawyers who deal with human rights don’t make a lot of money. If I was going to become a lawyer to work for McDonald’s I would set myself up as a target for you to throw McNuggets and ‘special sauce’ at for all eternity. But I think you should be a bit more careful when you attack someone, because I am not a “fat phobic”. I understand what it is like to go against body image scripts better than most people. Don’t attack your own. 
Jeez. 
Okay. 
Moving on. 
 
I met with Success For The Win from the Saskatoon Star Phoenix on Friday. The paper is running an article about this blog, my transition and Saskatoon Pride. I know Success For The Win through the Saskatoon music scene, and through some friends. I met with Success For The Win (SFTW) for the first time about this article a few months ago during the school year. When we met back then she expressed interest in having a code name for the blog, so I finally thought one up for her. I choose Success For The Win because of something I heard recently, “the best revenge is success.” We talked about some of her experiences growing up in a small town as a talented, artistic, and cultured woman. All of those things are hard to find in small town Saskatchewan and, as you all know, different is not often met with kindness. She was picked on a lot growing up in her small town, and is still considered eccentric there. But here in Saskatoon she is a hit -- she is a successful musician and writer, and she is packed full of adorably awkward charm. I am really happy she finds this blog interesting enough write an article about. 
I think the interview went well. You have all watched my videos and have seen that I am not the most articulate person. When I get nervous I tend to stutter more and ramble in incoherent sentences, so I hope that I don’t come across too stupid in the article. But I trust SFTW to make me, and the blog, look good. She said that she is going to take quotes from the blog, which is a good because I am a bit more relax and articulate here. 
I will consider the article a success if it is clear that I started this blog as a way to repay all the Trans guys who have made videos before me and helped me when I felt alone. Also, as a way for me to record all the changes I have and will experience. And it wouldn’t hurt if in the article I seem witty, and charming. If a descriptor along the lines of “studly and cute awkward nerd” is used I wouldn’t complain. Just saying. I guess we will all see how it turns out. 
The interview should be out sometime during the first week of June, I will get back to you with an exact date. I will also post a link to the Star Phoenix website for those of you who do not live in Saskatchewan. 
 
Time for the video! Excited? Yeah? Yeah! You better be. I am not wearing plaid, or a ball tee in this one. I had to dig through my clothes to find a shirt that wasn’t either of those. I thought only wearing ball tees might confuse people looking at my Youtube channel. 
 

 
P.S. GLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Oh, Lady Gaga! How I love thee. Your expressive and scary claw will now be my go-to pose in all pictures. This week has been packed full of Lady Gaga. Here in Saskatoon there was a Lady Gaga drag show. It was AMAZING! The best drag show I have ever been too. 
Lady Gaga really is the new Madonna. The Queer community is completely obsessed with her. She is so creative and pushes many boundaries. I really respect her for the way she has dealt with the rumours of her being Trans. She was respectful and chill. She didn’t freak out, and act like being called Trans was the worst insult anyone could say to her. She makes the general public think about what gender is, and that is a huge achievement. A lot of people never think about that stuff. 
Okay, I need to stop rambling about Lady Gaga. I could go on forever. My new motto in life is now “WWLGD? -- What Would Lady Gaga Do?” Yes. That is all I need in life to be successful. 
 
That is it for this week, Lovely. I will see you all next week for another update, tell your friends! 
Okay, I am going to go practice waving my Pride flag while not spilling my beer. 
 
- Avery Eros Finley